New York, NY (March 2005)--What can I do to help a person who is grieving? It's a question most of us have asked, or will ask, at some point in our lives. Many never find a satisfactory answer. Grief alienates. It isolates. It paralyzes. Even the most capable, confident people find themselves wordless--helpless--in the face of anguished tears or angry outbursts or depressions as deep and silent as winter snow. However, most of us eventually find ourselves called on to "help" someone who is walking this lonely path. What we can do, says psychologist and grief specialist J. Shep Jeffreys, Ed.D., C.T., is serve as an exquisite witness for that person.

"An exquisite witness might be a friend, someone from the faith community who comes to visit the family, or the surgeon who stops by the recovery room after removing a tumor and then proceeds to reassure the waiting loved ones," writes Jeffreys in Helping Grieving People--When tears are not enough: A Handbook for Care Providers (Brunner-Routledge; 2005; ISBN: 0-415-94603-4; $39.95). "What distinguishes an exquisite witness is not one's level of training but one's willingness to approach another human being with compassion and deep respect for that person's needs, fear, and grief."

Though the "care providers" in the subtitle might imply that this book is only for professionals--medical, mental health, or clergy--Jeffreys makes it clear that the content is equally applicable to family members, friendss, and volunteers who serve grieving people. Indeed, in listing the characteristics of an exquisite witness, he places the professional's role in a context that's far more "human" than clinical: "it's not simply a matter of 'This is what I do because this is what I have been trained to do,' but rather 'This is what I do because this is part of the meaning of who I am and how I choose to live.'"

In this thoughtfully written and often lyrical book, the author, who draws many of his learnings from his years on the training staff of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, takes a comprehensive approach to grief, addressing three critical dimensions: heart (the process whereby old loss material may rise to the surface and interfere with the ability of a care provider to be available to a grieving person), head (knowledge of the phenomenon we know as grief), and hands (what the care provider says and does to help the grieving person engage in the process of mourning in the healthiest way possible).

Helping Grieving People covers the unique needs of a variety of specific grievers: children, parents, older adults, and individuals who have chronic illness and/or impairments, the terminally ill, and the dying. Sprinkled throughout are numerous real-life stories of love, loss, and, eventually, hope and healing. Finally, Jeffreys provides practical guidelines on what to say, what to do, and how to act around a person who is grieving.

© 2005 HealthNewsDigest.com