Of course our country is in panic mode again because of the E. coli outbreak due to the bagged or “ready to eat” spinach situation. The nation’s news media both print and broadcast, is doing what they do best. They are taking advantage of a bad situation for us and making it work well for them. I’ll bet you a bag of lima beans that we see a spinach leaf on the cover of at least one national magazine this week.

Since word of this bad batch of spinach broke Thursday afternoon CNN, MSNBC and FOX just to name a few, have actually shown graphics that read something like “Spinach Scare, Spinach Recall (I thought that only happened to Fords!) Spinach Update”, and my personal favorite, “Panic in the Spinach Patch”.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean to make light of this situation, but “Panic in the Spinach Patch”? Come on guys give me a break! Aren’t they pushing this a bit too far? Can you see the national scandal sheet headlines in your supermarket’s checkout lines next week? “Spinach eater sues Popeye’s creators for bad nutritional advice”!

Most of America’s spinach is grown in California, our most populated state and the one with the most electoral votes. It will be interesting to see how the political powers that be on the “Left Coast” handle this situation. How soon will it be before we see Governor Arnold is stuffing his mouth with spinach leaves to help out the spinach farmers and producers?

I couldn’t help but think that if this were a broccoli scare, the nation’s 41st President George Herbert Walker Bush might have improved his legacy a bit.

Since most reporters are dealing with the spinach situation in the traditional manner, it gives me the opportunity to look at a part of this story that would never occur to most sane people. My question to the experts is, what are we going to do with all this recalled spinach?

I presume we are talking about several tons of the green stuff. If that’s the case, there’s plenty of supply for my new worldwide spinach marketing campaign. Since there is no time for me to produce an infomercial here a few get rich quick overnight ideas to consider. You could make spinach shampoo, spinach soap, spinach cigarettes, spinach wallpaper, or spinach kites.

Rather than use this as a quick cash opportunity, I prefer to give my tainted spinach away for free. After all, charity begins at home or in the spinach patch as the case may be. I can think of several recipients right off the bat and as an added bonus solve some of today’s worst problems.

Why not send the spinach to the Middle East and feed it to the insurgents in Iraq? You know sort of like holding out an olive branch to them. Then there’s Al Qaeda, I am sure they could use some green vegetables in their training camps. However there is this one guy at the top of my list. He is usually seen wearing white robes and a gray beard, stands about six feet four inches tall, lives in the mountains, carries a dialysis machine and likes to make tapes. Please save some for him!

If there is any left, we can always make a couple of hundred thousand spinach soufflés crepes or quiches and drop them over that country in Europe who seems to never cooperate with, or for that matter even like this country. You know the one I mean, they have that really tall steel tower in the center of their largest city!

Fear not, our friend Popeye will survive this crisis. After all he has survived four wars, persistent attacks from Bluto as well as constant heartache from Olive Oyl. Maybe she should learn how to cook for him!

Finally if any of your friends or business colleagues have enrolled you in the spinach of the month club, I would take them off your Christmas, I mean holiday card list!

I know my editor is going to make me write the following so I will save him the trouble of asking: The opinions expressed herein are those of the author and in no way represent the opinions of HealthNewsDigest.com or its overpaid management. This article may not be reproduced without the express written consent of Major League Baseball.

Lee Degenstein is a Columnist at Large for HealthNewsDigest.com. He has covered the financial markets for print and broadcast media for more than 15 years. Mr. Degenstein was also the news director and morning anchor at two major radio stations in New Jersey. He has been a reporter/contributor to United Press International, The Associated Press, The Mutual Broadcasting System and New York 1 News. A former winner of the Associated Press award for 'best business story' he lives and works in New York City. Mr. Degenstein can be reached by email at:

© 2006 HealthNewsDigest.com